Greetings, Gut Check Army.  Stand by for the dispatches:

• Chapter 13 of our free, online, end-times satire is now up.  Dr. Zack Van Shrimpy is loose in the HVAC system and Tim Strongbow is squirming his way out of a really awkward situation.  Oh, and the rapture’s coming.  Check out Beauty and the Mark of the Beast.

• The release of Ted Kluck’s hilarious and long-awaited book on the strange world of “Contemporary” “Christian” “Music” is just around the corner. Pre-buy page will be up soon. You will not want to miss To Hell With the Devil: My Year of Tuning In, Dropping Out, and Letting the Devil Have All the Good Music.

• And to celebrate this thus-far crowing jewel of the Gut Check Empire, we will be blowing your brains out (metaphorically) with GUTSTOCK 2011, a release party like nothing you've ever encountered. Fifteen bucks will not only get you access to all the delicious vittles (compliments of Saucy Broad Catering), but a signed copy of the book, a Gut Check bumper sticker, and more. And, yes, by “more,” we do mean a real live CCM artist sharing whacked-out tales from the studio and the road, door prizes, a DJ, horrible Chrisitian music karaoke, merch table, childcare, and even stinking more!  Stay tuned.

The authors of Younger, Restlesser, Reformeder were interviewed by Frank Turk yesterday on the wildly popular TeamPyro blog. Click here to listen.

Remember when the Left Behind novels were big? Yeah, so do we. As a Christians who hold exclusively to doctrines not dreamed up in the last 175 years, we found them incredibly embarrassing.

I listened to the first four of them on my Walkman (because I was hammering traffic counting hoses into the road for a living and, having already exhausted all of my good books on tape, started borrowing from others), and spent the duration keeping score between three teams: Bad Theology, Bad Story Telling, and Downright Boringness. (Bad Theology won by a nose.)

Well, it's been almost fifteen years since they made a splash, but some of us still aren't over it. And so, the Gut Check Army has started the serialized dispensational end times blog-novel, Beauty and the Mark of the Beast: A Dispensational Thriller.

Why even bother to parody a genre that peaked in 1997, you might ask?

There are several valid answers to this question, as follows:

1. We’re a little bit lazy. When you parody a living, growing, changing phenomenon, you have to stay on top of the latest developments. And it pays to work fast in such circumstances. Having already done satires of more recent phenoms (e.g. the emergent church and the New Calvinism), we thought we’d take a little break and just kick a dead horse while it’s down.

2. It’ll be back. Soon. Mark my words. Then we’ll appear to be way ahead of our time.

3. To us, pop dispensationalism kind of stands in for everything that’s tacky, embarrassing, and mockable about modern day Evangelicalism.

Click the graphic below to be raptured away. Comment. Subscribe. Repost/tweet. Etc.

• Younger, Restlesser, Reformeder: A Good-Natured Roast - Just how reformed do you think you are? With clarity of insight that comes only from firsthand experience, the authors of Kinda Christianity take on their own cultural-theological movement, offering tips and tricks for all you New Calvinists. From what to wear to who to marry (and how to court them) to what to read, Ted Kluck and Zach Bartels help you work out your reformedness with fear and trembling. Foreword by Frank Turk.

“This is one of those seminal works that embodies a significant portion of our Reformed theological heritage. We all should rejoice to see this material finally available in English!” —Cory Hartman, age 12

 
• Saucy Broad: A Culinary Manifesto of Hope - One of our facebook fans recently pointed out how ironic it was for Gut Check to do a cookbook. We can explain. You see, after completing the Facing Tyson Audio Project, we were beginning to feel like we were neglecting the fairer sex. The next project, we decided, would be a cookbook.
  
  If you’re gonna build a time machine, you might as well make it a Delorean, and if you’re gonna publish a cookbook, you might as well make it the Saucy Broad. She may not have a television show, a research budget, a world-famous blog, a hair and makeup expert, or a huge ego (yet), but she blends creative recipes, enaging narrative, and general thoughts on cooking and life into a tangy marinade of awesomeness. Bonus essays by Ted Kluck.
 
• 42 Months Dry: A Tale of Gods and Gunplay - For more than three years, the kingdom of Ephraim has been in the paralyzing grip of drought. Tempers flare in the oppressive heat. Water rations are running out. Even a benevolent breeze only stirs up dust and disquiet. The masses are growing restless, while the entire kingdom sits on the brink of political implosion. And the only man who can bring rain is the one who stopped it in the first place.
  
  Get ready for a prophet you can't ignore. Angry, arrogant, and armed to the teeth, Eli Tishbi is ready for his next assignment. He may not look like a divine messenger, but his god is sending him to settle a score with the king of Ephraim. This supernatural thriller will blow your freaking mind. Or, to put it more eloquently...

“I gripped my seat, gnashed my teeth, slow-clapped, and even shed a tear . . . In a word: whoa.”
—Ann Mulia, Comic Book Artist, author of Psychoteers and Paladin

Dear Gut Check Nation,

It came to my attention recently that there are other publishing companies popping up like ours, who intend to change the publishing business by publishing e-books, audio books, and real books.

My first thought, (after thinking that they might fail because they're not Gut Check), was that in five years you'll be able to swing a cat in any direction in Colorado Springs, Wheaton, and Grand Rapids and hit a semi-famous author and his editorial friends who have teamed up to do this sort of thing. There will be out of work Managing Editors shuffling around Chicago streetcorners, holding up signs that say things like "Will Sit in Meetings All Day for Food" and "Help Send Me to a Conference." Sad, but most likely true.

Anyway, just remember that Gut Check was first. And to these companies, we wish you the best (translation: "We must break you." - Drago).

And without further delay, here are five reasons why you need to buy Facing Tyson immediately:

5. If you don't, Gut Check Press will eat your children. (Not really...it's a quote from Tyson, from the book.)
4. Facing Tyson isn't $70, like Kevin McBride's slippers. (It's actually only $12.99, for five plus hours of entertainment.)
3. If you don't download Facing Tyson, you might get gutted like a fish. (Also from the book.)
2. Because buying the book will make you believe in the Willie...Cus D'Amato believes in the Willie...I believe in the Willie.
1. Because buying this book will teach you how to talk to these people.

Thank you for your interest in Gut Check’s first downloadable audio book. Facing Tyson: Fifteen Fighters, Fifteen Stories, was my first book, published in 2006 by The Lyons Press, and published internationally by Mainstream Publishing in 2007. To this day, it is my favorite book. It has been said that boxers are the best interviews in sports, and I wholeheartedly agree. I conducted interviews in cars, in locker rooms, on seedy streetcorners, in boxing gyms, and at ringside. I feared for my life more than once. I made friends with the boxers. I care about all of them, and wanted to honor them through these stories. Their unique perspectives paint a different picture of Mike Tyson than any painted before.

That said, the text is raw, gritty, and honest (read: there’s some profanity, and even a couple of f-bombs). If you’re sqeamish about this, I don’t blame you— I am too. But I wanted to maintain the authenticity of the work as much as possible. These guys are all great communicators. Enjoy their stories. Included are interviews with Marvis Frazier, Tyrell Biggs, Evander Holyfield, Lennox Lewis, and many more.

Facing Tyson is easy to purchase and download. The book is comprised of 21 MP3 files, which can be played on your computer, transfered to an iPod or other listening device, or burned to CDs.

This audio book is more than five hours long. Because audio quality is of utmost importance to us, the bundled book is 507 megabytes. High speed Internet connections can handle this file in about twenty minutes. For dial-up users, the download would be prohibitively time-consuming. Everyone in between, use your best judgment, and feel free to contact info@gutcheckpress.com with any concerns or download problems.

Special thanks to William Colin at WAC Productions, for all of his hard work mastering and perfecting the finished product, and Zachary Bartels at Gut Check Studios for his technical expertise. See below for editorial reviews on the original release of the book, and enjoy!

Best,
Ted A. Kluck

“In Facing Tyson Kluck tells [the fighters’] stories with skill, insight, and extraordinary compassion.”
- Schuler Books

“Facing Tyson by Ted A. Kluck is subtitled Fifteen Fighters, Fifteen Stories, and there the author lets himself down. There are a lot more than 15 stories, because in each case we get not just the boxer’s journey but the tales of those who travelled with him: parents, family, trainers and promoters.”
- London Telegraph

“Kluck masterfully weaves profiles of all of these men, adeptly relating all he writes about them to their fight(s) with Tyson. It is no easy task, but Kluck does a commendable job.”
- The Sweet Science.com

“Kluck writes with insight about a sport that is often maligned and misunderstood, and finds a way to humanize its warriors.”
- Lansing City Pulse

“Kluck presents a raw, vulgar yet consistently riveting look at boxing as seen through the eyes of Tyson’s contemporaries—the effect is fascinating.”
- Tampa Tribune

“What we get are 15 fascinating stories that capture the Tyson era—mainly from the loser’s point of view—far more than any self-serving autobiography could.”
- The Sunday Business Post, Dublin

While we've been busy producing and marketing Kinda Christianity, and putting the finishing touches on the Facing Tyson audio book, it occured to us that Gut Check Nation needs to grow. We need some new lieutenants in the Gut Check Army. Specifically, we need a couple of interns to help us produce and market our 2010/2011 product line (including Saucy Broad; Younger, Restlesser, Reforemeder; and Paper Tiger).

Here's what we're looking for:

Page Design/Layout: We need somebody creative, artistic, skilled in the graphic art of...well...graphic art, and willing to do the opposite of stuff like this. You'll do page layouts and cover mock ups for our books. You'll be compensated in coffee, energy drinks, and the rush of goodwill that comes from being a part of the Gut Check Army. We'll write a letter (on letterhead) to your advisor, and work on getting you college credit. We'll write a sterling letter of recommendation to future employers. You'll also be the envy of all your friends.

Sales/Marketing: This position is a bit more, um, nebulous. The Sales and Marketing intern will be responsible for lighting up the blogosphere for Gut Check...getting our books blogged-about, getting us on radio shows, and even setting up consignment agreements with local bricks and mortar booksellers. (See above re: compensation and being the envy of all of your friends.)

Special consideration will be given to Ted's current/former students at Cornerstone, and current/former members of Spartan Christian Fellowship. And by "special consideration" I mean that if you don't fit into one of these categories, we won't hire you.

Miscellaneous:

Must be willing to take company meetings in smoky back-rooms of various Lansing and East Lansing establishments.

Must read and become familiar with everything at www.gutcheckpress.com. Must think it's awesome.

Must be interested in/excited about changing publishing forever.

If interested, please email us at info@gutcheckpress.com.